Lean into the gray

Here’s a little something about me . . .

I started to get gray hair in my late 20’s and would panic any time I saw one of those silvery bastards. I would dye my hair religiously every 6 weeks and it still wasn’t enough.

The gray kept coming.

I’d look at myself in the mirror and be deflated, “Dear God! I’m only in my 20’s. I can’t be getting gray! This is terrible!” I know it sounds unbelievably vain but the fear of surrendering and letting go of this felt immense.

Really what was I fearing? That I would be old? That gray hair would automatically define me negatively? That I wouldn’t be beautiful? That in our youth consumed culture I would be shunned?

Fast forward and I have let my silver-grays fly free. It wasn’t an easy experience to transition from color to acceptance. I felt so exposed for the longest time.

The strangest thing happened though, when I finally leaned in and stopped giving a shit, I got more compliments on my hair then I ever did when I dyed it. I have other women asking me how I did it. There is a camaraderie with others that are feeling what I felt.

I share this with you now so that maybe I can help you realize what I realized, that my hair is not who I am. Don’t get me wrong it is always a work in progress, trying to detach from defining my self-worth by the way I look. Some days are better than others. Some days I look at other women and think maybe I should get a little Botox and smooth out those 11’s. Or I get all nostalgic about how perky my 16 year old breasts used to be. Then I take a moment to remember that I have so much more depth to me and what makes me feel beautiful. I remember how many emotions I have felt and expressed with my face and that I have breastfed two incredible humans. I remember that I am lucky to have this body and the experiences that have shaped it.

To be clear, if you use Botox or you dye your hair to cover up the grays, and this makes you feel beautiful, then I’m all for it. I think it is a great plan to do things that make you happy and make you feel good. I’m just saying do those things because it truly makes you happy and not from a place of fear. Yes, there are some who have judgments and negative feelings about my hair but I think that says more about them than about me.

Now, instead of wasting time worrying about if my gray is showing I am spending my time doing things I love like creating art and teaching people how to paint. I invite you to visit my Etsy shop to purchase one of my new painting kits where I take you on a little watercolor play-date and teach you how to make beautiful leaf inspired cards. And hopefully it will bring you, oh so much joy!